Thursday, June 23, 2011

Bon Iver

Sitting on my room floor with my back against my lounge chair. Hands a bit chilly because its winter here, my little heater on and a warm jumper with the hood up. Juice to my left - Multi Fruits. My mind is still. God is so good. Bon Iver streaming through my headphones. His music is like my juice. It's not just apple or orange or berry flavor, its all of them combined creating something extraordinary.

I've written more songs recently. Hello, Delicate Rain, and Evergreen Trees. Its so beautiful to do what you love. I've been praying that God would show me what's right in front of me, that I would love every bit and be fully content in Him - that he would awaken my passions and creativity with Him. Music has been like a rapid river in my life these past two months. I come alive with I play guitar, when I open my mouth and sing to my Lover.

Ten months ago I passed the security and waved goodbye to my mom and little sister Alli in the Nashville airport, and walked on a plane that took me here, Australia. I was walking away from everything familiar, everything comfortable. I landed in a country where I knew no one, not one soul. Together God and I kept walking and He took me on this journey. He taught me to embrace the unknown, that He is enough when I have nothing and no one. He's brought me over mountains, we've climbed steep hills, at the top He's given me a parachute and together we have soared down to a field full of wildflowers. He's given me wings and taught me how to fly. He's taught me how to trust when I'm in free fall, to keep walking and trust when I am blind. He's taught me that intimacy with Him is the most important thing in this life. No human can ever satisfy me like God can right now. He stood with me in front of the mirror and told me who I am, to the core of me, each day He speaks to me my identity in Him. I feel like I could write a whole book about the last ten months but that's some of it in a nut shell. In six days I will walk in the Brisbane airport alone, walk onto a plane that will take me to Nashville, TN. After 30+ hours of travel I will enter what is familiar, yet after 10 months apart, will seem unfamiliar. I've become so used to the unknown I don't know how I my heart will feel when I lay eyes on my family. Its a feeling that can't really be expressed in words. I will meet my family face to face. Praise the Lord for skype and phone calls and email, but face to face, nothing is like that.

I feel like a letter, one small letter that's mailed all around the world. Small mailboxes, my temporary home. This letter has a writer, a place where it was first sealed. And soon, very soon I will meet this place I call home. Sure your heart is your home, but no one, no where, can ever replace real family. I praise the Lord for my precious family.

This is a bit of what's cuddled in my heart right now - spilled out in words that hopefully make sense. All that to say, if you're reading this.. if you know me or you don't know me very well, I hope you know that God sees you right in this moment. Wherever you are in this world, you are visible. You yourself are a letter and you were sealed at what you call home and God is the writer of your story, from day one He hemmed you, knit you bit by bit. You are precious! The more I travel, all glory to God, the more I see that we really are all like flowers in a field. Each flower unique and precious on its own. But every flower desires sunshine, perfect love to fill their hearts, rain to grow in dry seasons, fulfillment. Don't lose sight of the flowers that surround you, people created in the image of God.

If you are a little flower that lives in Nashville I will be seeing your darling face very soon. I think this is all for now. More Bon Iver, a cozy blanket, and a book sounds nice.

I love you, really I do.


marygrace. said...

mann. my heart.
i love reading your blog. i feel like you're such a sister. every one of your words feels so kindred. and i feel proud of you even though i don't know you.
but i'm in quite a crossroads in my life and reading bits about yours is truly inspiring/ motivating.
thanks for writing.

Joanie said...

Not only are you uniquely gifted, you ARE a gift! Honored to be called Mama! I love you. Your words are filled with beauty and truth!