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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Wednesday Thoughts

My day is coming to a close. Its been a full day. Like an envelope tightly packed with letters and notes, my envelope for today will soon be sealed and sent off as my eyelids close. It will be placed in my book, it never leaves my story. I just finished washing my face and brushing my teeth - one of the greatest feelings I think, clean teeth and a fresh clean face, completely bare. I often think about deep things. Just before brushing my teeth I prayed out loud with my roommate, after the prayer time I just sat there saying, "I want more, I want more of God, I know there's more." As I walked to the bathroom and as I was brushing my teeth God brought this question to mind, "What do you crave, Alicia? What are you chasing? What are you running after?" I stopped for a second. I often crave chocolate milk or apple juice, or a good run. I stopped and thought about it seriously - I got this picture of me seeing my family right now, if I saw them across a field I would without question sprint to them with everything inside of me. I want to sprint after God like that. To get to that place I think I first have to really answer that question for myself. Am I chasing anything other than God? If so I need to turn around and run away from it! I only want to run after God, which means I must daily choose with Gods grace and strength to run away from things of this world. "I wanna waste my life on you God. I just break open this heart, pour it all over you Lord, you're so worthy you're so worthy worthy are you Lord, you gave it all you gave it all you gave it all, I wanna give it all I wanna give it all, every drop of who I am on you lamb of God, my heart it bleeds for you my heart it bleeds for you, every beat of my heart let it be, let it be, let it be worship on your feet Jesus, every tear that I weep you come down and you catch, and you say this is the one, the one that I love. I wanna waste my life on you God. I don't care what people in this room may say, I don't care anymore, I only wanna please you Lord, I only wanna see you smile Daddy, just to make you happy, so all I wanna do for the rest of my life, is just love you, just love you, cause you don't stop loving me, I can't stop loving you, you don't stop loving me, I can't stop loving you, you don't stop loving me, I can't stop loving you. Never gonna leave, you're never gonna leave. Never gonna leave, no no. You're breaking off the shame, you're breaking off the fear, you're breaking off the disappointment of the seasons, when I thought you left me, and I can see your hand reaching out over me, and I can hear your voice, "I'm never gonna leave I'm never gonna leave I'm never gonna leave I'm never gonna leave I'm never gonna leave I'm never gonna leave never never never!!!!!!!!" Jonathan David Helser http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_D__FhynL7k (In this video its Jonathan and his wife singing together in the studio at one point. I love it so much, its such a beautiful picture! I pray I can do that with my husband one day! How incredible would that be!)

I don't want it to just be a feeling in worship or in a good day because everything went great. I want to crave Him. I want to choose Him. Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. What are you chasing after? What do you crave? That's such a good question to ask. I'm at a real raw place with God right now. I so long for more of Him in every way. I'm at the place where its like, "Ok God you have to wreck me with your love, you have to show up, be real, I know you're real, do something, I'm yours." More of His love, more of His heart, just more. I'm going running tomorrow morning at 5:30. I'm not a morning person at all, but God's really put it on my heart to have discipline in my life, to make routines and rhythms - one rhythm I want to form concrete in my life is quality time, time that isn't rushed or skipped over, set aside time with God during my runs. To run with Him every morning. I want to know His voice like I know my best friends voice. I want to know Alicia better, I want to know what He's called me to. I want to dive deeper into Him more than ever before. I want to crave His love above anything this world says I need. I want to choose Him and desire Him more than I desire anything - work, food, exercise, attention, a guy, money, anything - that's honestly where I'm at.

My finger tips are callused. I've been playing guitar everyday. Something that's also a beautiful rhythm. I'm learning the banjo too, and playing more piano. Alone time with God just worshipping Him, spending time with Him as I play and sing my hearts song. Playing music and singing awakens my soul. Like painting. I'm thankful for my hands, I'm so thankful for my voice. I'm thankful for my ears.

I've been painting more recently. My new favorite thing is to stretch my own canvas behind a wood frame. Painting with acrylic and sewing with needle and thread somewhere in the painting. Here are a few I did the other day.

The writing says, "My design is beautiful."



Worship. Praise. Praise, more praise, more praise. More time worshipping at His feet soaking in His perfect love. This is where I want to stay.

I love you, yes you. I will write again soon. I have one prayer request - please be praying that I can find a cheap cheap ticket to Nashville. I would love to fly home June 29th, right now my parents and I are looking and the tickets are 3,000 +. I'm believe for a cheap ticket! Please believe with me and pray pray pray!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Update!

Dear lovely blog readers,

If you've been keeping up to date with my blog then you are probably aware of where I am and what I'm doing. For those that don't know, let me tell you!

I am currently YWAM Staff in Brisbane, Australia. I left Tennessee this past Fall and moved to Brisbane August 25th. YWAM is an international nondenominational volunteer organization. My commitment as staff is for 2 years. In that time I will be staffing 2 DTS' (Discipleship Training School) and I will have a 6 month logistical phase where I will be serving on the base here in Brisbane and around the community where they need help. I am praying and planning to go home for a 4 week holiday at the end of June. I'm so passionate about where I am and what God has me doing here, and I want you to know how He's working and I want you to know how you can help support me! My biggest prayer request is for financial support. My base bill is 250$ a month. Right now I have money for the next 3 months. I haven't bought my plane ticket home yet either, and I need money for that as well. I love the Body of Christ and how we can all be connected by supporting each other, even when we are in different countries! My desire is for you to be apart of this with me, and to walk along side me on this journey. Thank you for hearing my heart!

The most efficient way to send money is by mailing a check to
9205 Natchez Drive
Brentwood, TN 37027
(My home in TN)
payable to Alicia McLeod. If you were to mail it to Australia there would be a significant processing fee.

I look forward to you journeying with me! I love you guys!



Monday, April 4, 2011

The Basket

I wrote this song in Amsterdam just a few days ago. I sat on a wood floor in an empty room at about four in the afternoon with the windows open wide, the cold breeze felt so refreshing on my freckled face. My eyes were frozen on endless fields of beautiful green, then they met the deep blue, and these words came out of my mouth. It's called the basket.

The Basket

It landed, in my field
Unexpected, it fell down

Somewhere high above the clouds your thoughts rest in a basket
Somewhere far beyond this tree line your heart soars
It soars
It soars
It soars

Just like a balloon is set free
I let it be