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Monday, January 31, 2011

The end of January

I feel like my mind is a cage and right now there are so many birds just longing to be set free. Writing sometimes helps open the cage so the birds can soar. What did I do tonight? I ran close to fifteen miles with Jesus. I'm so passionate about running. I couldn't do it without Him. When I run with Jesus I feel like I could run forever and ever. It was my favorite part of today. I stood in the middle of the road completely alone with only a few street lights in the distance shining. The stars looked like sand there were so many. Oh to sit on a star and look around, that would be lovely. I came back up to my room and sat on my windowsill as I drank water and stretched. I watched the city lights and heard the train every once in a while, an occasional car, and a few distant voices from the people downstairs. I love watching life happen from a distance. As my feet were resting on the roof, as I was sitting looking out in the dark night sky, the feeling of the wind itself made me want to cry. I'm so overwhelmed by God's love. Each day He's been showing me more and more of His love for me. Taking me to new levels of intimacy that I never thought were possible. Also in the past few days I've been asking myself, "Why am I here?" After much silence the only thing that came to mind was, "I love to love people." Its so simple. Four small words. Obviously there's more to it then that but thats one big reason. I am so passionate about little things. Little things that may be nothings to some people but to me they are the opposite of nothing. Such as running with Jesus, seeing an elderly person walking and going to say hi, enjoying a warm cup of tea alone in my art studio, walking everywhere barefoot simply because I can, juice, color, the wind, I could go on. So simple, yet to me they are all breathtakingly beautiful. The last one I could talk about forever. That little thing, the wind, right now is my favorite. Times when I feel frozen in every way, it still embraces me. Times when I'm alive and dance, its there. Times when I'm running, it runs with me. Times when I smile, it tickles my face. It is always there. When I'm lost inside my heart, it swirls around as if longing to embrace me. Sometimes I like to think that the wind never stops chasing after my soul. The wind being God. So incredible.

Two weeks from today, on Valentines Day, I'll be getting on a plane that will land in Singapore. From Singapore I will fly to Amsterdam, rest there for a few days, then get on a train to Berlin. It's hard to believe outreach is already here. I look forward to wearing my hats and scarfs. Mm, tea and snowflakes. Somedays it feels like just yesterday I landed Australia. I've been here almost six months. Wow.

I just finished my tea. I think that means its time for sleep. I love you guys heaps. You are wonderful.

Monday, January 24, 2011

"For we live by faith, not by sight."

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.


Right now I feel as if I have a blindfold on, yet I rest secure and at peace because I have a perfect Father that loves me unconditionally and He never leaves me. So even when I can't see or understand, He sees and He understands. And when all God says again and again is, "Alicia, trust me." I have to believe that means He has something better for me then what I can see right in front of me. Its like a shadow - shadows seem dark and confusing, I feel like I'm looking at a shadow and God is saying "Trust Me, trust Me!!!" I have to believe that whatever is creating this shadow, the bigger picture that I can't see, is much more beautiful and way better!!! This gives me hope! This gives me peace - knowing that I'm not supposed to be in control or figure everything out. I'm supposed to rely on my Father to provide and watch over me, to be my strength always - I can't do anything in my own strength - to live a life on my knees before Him, chin up, eyes looking to Him - it's not about me, its all about Jesus.

This is my heart - where I am, what I'm doing, and my current need.

For those of you that don't know, I am here in Australia with a worldwide organization called YWAM (Youth With A Mission). I am in a staff/leadership position. I am staffing a Discipleship Training School with a focus in Music, Art, Dance, and Film. The DTS runs for 6 months at a time, this school I'm currently staffing has 43 students. Basically YWAM is about mobilizing young people to go out into the nations and spread Gods love through music, art, dance and film! I have a 2 year commitment here - I am doing a Basic Leadership School (BLS). I am here as a volunteer. I love helping young people step into their destiny and passions - to then go out into the world and use their passions to spread Gods love. It's because I'm passionate about love and serving people that I'm here - that's the bottom line. I love to love people, and God has placed me here for such a time as this to love on and serve these young people for 2 years. I'm so passionate about where I am and what I do! I think its so amazing and such a privilege. I am looking for people to come along side me and be passionate with me - I want people to walk along side me as I am on this journey through sponsoring me financially. In three weeks, February 14 - April 3rd I will be leading a team of girls to Germany/Czech Republic. There we will be working with drug addicts, sex trafficking, singing and painting on the streets and in local cafes, loving on homeless people, working in gypsy communities, leading worship, teaching/ministering to young people and in different youth groups, etc. As of right now I still need $2,000 in order to minister in Europe. That is my immediate need. I am also looking for monthly sponsors - being that I am going to be here for another year and a half. I have faith that God will provide! This is what I'm doing - this is my heart. I look forward to you being apart of my journey!

Please email me at aliciagracemcleod@yahoo.com, if you feel led to sponsor me in anyway! Again, my immediate need is $2,000 - in order to minister in Europe for two months. I leave in three weeks!

My skype username is: aliciagrace1 if you would like to talk more about what I'm doing and how you can partner with me!

I'm so passionate about the body of Christ! 1 Corinthians 12:27 says, "Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." I think that is such a beautiful verse. Wether you're loving people in America, in Europe, at school, being a mom, wherever you are, I think there is so much power when the body of Christ comes together, when people partner together - believing big things, because we serve a BIG GOD!

2 Corinthians 5:7
For we live by faith, not by sight.

Monday, January 10, 2011

You are not the ocean, you are just a cup.

I am currently listening to Dance With Me by Jesus Culture, one of my favorite worship songs. I have my headphones in. I'm laying on my stomach on my bed with a pillow under my chin. The past two weeks I slept on the hard ground with only my sleeping bag, so the softness of my mattress takes some getting used to again. My room lights are off, the only light on is my little lamp, the fan is on and my curtains are swaying every so slightly. I absolutely love moments like right now. Moments where all I want to do is write. I feel like I could write a book I have so much to say. The past two weeks I've been on the road with the school. Constantly surrounded by noise and people. I find that in times like that where I don't get my alone quiet moments, my soul can easily fall asleep in a way. For me, its in the quiet still moments that my soul soars, or comes alive. I gain energy when I'm alone. I am so thankful to have quiet now, I'm so thankful my soul can speak and fly. This will probably be a long post, just to let you know. If you want to fly with me as my soul speaks keep reading. I write to process and record but also I write for others. Beauty should never be hidden or kept to one self. I love sharing beauty, the beauty of God. It's all about Him. God has shown me so much beauty and is teaching me so many beautiful things, I can't hold it in, I must share it.


Two weeks ago at the beginning of our road trip God told me to let go of something. To fully give Him this certain something expecting nothing in return. I knew He was saying, "Alicia, drop it. Drop it all. Not just part of it, everything. Trust me." I gave it all to Him. In that choice to let go, I found that there is so much freedom in the free fall. This was just the beginning. From that, my biggest prayer at the start of the road trip was that God would give me a huge revelation that He is enough, that in Him I am complete. I so badly wanted to have a revelation about this. I knew He would be faithful, so I waited in hope. We were on the beach the whole time, so everyday I would be by the water, walking on the sand, in the ocean, I was surrounded by it. It was one morning during the first week that God gave me this revelation, the beginning of it. It was about 8 o'clock in the morning and I was standing on the beach praying and interceding for the town we were in. My feet were in the water, quickly sinking into the sand, the water was splashing on my ankles again and again and again. As I waited on God for what to pray for I got the word stillness. I felt like He was saying to pray for busy people all over the world, pray that they would learn to be still and rest. In that moment of me resting, standing still with my feet in the ocean, God spoke so much! Before I was standing still I was walking, and when you walk on the beach your feet only leave a shallow mark, the water hits you yes but your feet don't sink. When I was standing still, my feet were sinking into the sand and the water was flowing over my feet, covering them completely. This is how it is with the Lord. I felt like God was again confirming the word stillness with that picture, when we are still before Him, when we rest in His presence, only then can we really go deeper into Him and His love. Only then can He saturate our whole being. If we are always walking on the sand and never take time to stop, we won't sink and the water won't cover us completely. So that was the beginning. It was such an awesome morning with God and an incredible time of intercession, I love prayer its so powerful.

A few nights later that same week I was again on the beach spending time with God and just enjoying His presence. I wrote this song.

You are not the ocean
You are just a cup
I'm not looking for you to fill me up
My deepest desire is to dive
It is impossible to do this in your cup
For so long I've thought that I could dive into this cup

I don't need you to find me
I'm not searching for you to see me
I'm already found
Someone already sees me
I'm seen by Him and that is enough

I feel as if I'm a bird that's flown to the top of the highest mountain
Now I see from a new perspective
And from this viewpoint I realize
That the only possible place to dive, truly dive
Is in the ocean

I don't need you to find me
I'm not searching for you to see me
I'm already found
Someone already sees me
I'm seen by Him and that is enough

I know this perspective is a lasting position
I'm at peace
I'm free
You're just a cup
And you're not supposed to fill me up
Ok, that's all for now
The ocean is waiting
The ocean is waiting

I was looking out onto the ocean, the endless ripples that move ever so gracefully. It was nighttime so the sky was dark, the town was sleeping and the stars were awake. The few street lights that were in the distance brought beautiful sparkle to the water before me. I sat there for I can't remember how long, just looking out onto the water. After I wrote that song I was so blown away. It was totally God through me. That right there, that song and what God showed me through it, has been the biggest revelation. The ocean being God. The cup being people. Wow. I saw myself on the sand walking around back and forth as if I was in the desert, searching for cups in different places. In my picture it was like God was standing right there with me and He turns to me and says, "Alicia, look straight ahead, stop walking. Stop searching for cups. I am the ocean. Don't you see? I am more than enough for you! Just like you know there is more water beyond the horizon you see, you know it goes on and on, you cannot fully grasp my love for you, its that big. Here, I have a small boat for just you and I. I want you, all of you. Just come into the ocean." I run without hesitation. He is holding my hand and He leads me to our little boat. All this was being painted in my mind like a movie as I just sat there in silence. Tears filled my eyes, the wind was so strong, my hair was blowing every which way, across my face, everywhere. I was curled up in a little ball on the sand. I opened my eyes and as I looked out at the water and listened to the waves crash, it was as if God was whispering "I love you, Alicia" over and over and over. With every ripple, every wave, the wind that surrounded me, through everything He was shouting "I LOVE YOU ALICIA!!" Probably one of the most beautiful moments of my life. Words can't do it justice.

Back to the song and what God told me to do at the beginning of the week, I have so much peace its insane. I know God holds everything and I am not worried one bit. I am in the boat with God and I am so thankful. I see God on one end of the boat and me on the other end and in the middle of the boat is all this treasure. God is showing me the beauty of Alicia, the treasures in me. I hear Him saying, "Look, look at all that you are, precious one. Look at how I made you. You are so beautiful! You are a treasure." I am loving myself. Not in a selfish way at all, but just loving me. I was thinking earlier tonight even how much I love my name. Alicia. Words are hard to express all of this fully. Thats why I love that Dance With Me song so much, God is my lover. Just Him and I dancing in the boat. I'm so in love with Him. And as I look into His eyes, that is when I see myself the way He sees me. My identity comes from Him and only Him. I rest so secure because I know His gaze never leaves my eyes. I don't have to worry about anything because He is my safe place. His love for me is never-ending. I am so thankful. Those four small words can't even begin to describe how thankful I am. I love that I see everything in pictures, I'm so thankful He gives me pictures, words, revelations, and for providing those breathtaking moments. What a blessing to be 21, living in Australia, completely single, just God and I in our little boat together. Last Spring I prayed that I would be able to travel again and live overseas at least one more time while I am still single, before I get married. I realized before Christmas time that this time in Australia is the answer to that exact prayer! I was blown away! God is so good! He is so faithful! I'm not worried about the married part but I do know that I'm single now living overseas and I'm loving my sweet time with Jesus. Priceless free time with the lover of my soul, time to grow in Him like never before. I know this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I've been here almost five months. Man thats hard to believe! I know this time alone with God is so valuable and precious and I couldn't be more thankful. And the biggest revelation above all that He has shown me is this: I am complete in Jesus. Nothing in this world can make me happy, only Jesus can. He is enough. I am complete in Him.

DEEP BREATH.

I know that was long, sweet friends. If your darling eyes made it this far thank you with all of my heart. I pray you are encouraged and uplifted. Find that sweet intimacy with God. Ask for revelations and He will give them to you. He is faithful. Run to the ocean. He has a boat for you too. Your story is your own and mine is my own, but we have one thing in common, we have the same God, the same Daddy, the same Lover.

Thank you for flying with me as my soul spoke. I'm so thankful for eyes and hands to type. Writing like this is so incredible and I never want to stop. God is good. He is faithful. He gets all the glory!!!!!

One more thing, I'm looking to go home in July for my holiday! What a sweet time that will be. Please be praying for cheap tickets.